D is for DEPRESSION

“My nerves were ragged, frazzled, exhausted. And such gloom and depression fell upon me as I have never known, although depression is an old acquaintance of mine” (Samuel Logan Brengle). Have you ever felt like that? I sure have.

My depression has given way to indecision, anger and frustration. For me, my depression stems from anxiety, and I have been on and off medication for most of my adult life. Initially I was in denial, and refused medication, believing that as a Christian, I should be able to manage it somehow, and be filled with the “joy of the Lord”. At all times. HA! This unrealistic expectation I placed on myself only increased my anxiety, giving way to a deeper depression.

But do you know what I discovered, friend? I am in good company.

I just finished doing (what was supposed to be) a 12-week study with two dear friends that we spread into the past year. This study is called Healing for Damaged Emotions by David A. Seamands & Beth Funk, and somewhere in those twelve chapters I learned I’m not alone in my depression and that doesn’t make me a weak Christian, sinful or even damaged goods. It means I’m human.

Scripture includes the biographies of many “giants in the faith” that struggled with feelings of hopelessness. Consider some of these:

• King David. Have you read even just a sample of his psalms (writing)? “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?” (Psalm 42:5)

• Elijah. Heck, this man even pleaded to God to take his life. He was at his wits’ end. “I’ve had enough! Now, O Lord, take my life.” (1 Kings 19:4)

• Jonah. He believed he would be better of dead. “It is better for me to die than to live” (Jonah 4:3)

• Job. He wished he had never even been born! Trouble plagued this man, relentlessly. “And now my life seeps away. Depression haunts my days. At night my bones are filled with pain, which gnaws at me relentlessly.” (Job 30:16-17)

• Jeremiah. “The weeping prophet”. He said “my soul has been rejected from peace; I have forgotten happiness” (Lamentations 3:17)

• Paul. He was under such pressure, that he admits to despairing life itself! "We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself." (2 Corinthians 1:8)

• JESUS CHRIST. Have you really read his prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane? I mean really read it? He tells his dearest friends that his soul is “overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” (Matthew 26:38)

PS, Samuel Logan Brengle, the man quoted above as being frazzled and well acquainted with depression, was a Commissioner with The Salvation Army.

We need to stop believing the lie that a “good Christian” can’t experience feelings of depression, or that it’s a sin. This is not a matter of having a lack of faith. Frankly, it can be a matter of chemistry, a chemical imbalance, as in my case. For others its walking through grief or dealing with a major trauma. My hope in sharing my own struggle with depression, is that we can change the conversation. Sadly, there is still so much stigma about mental health issues in all circles, including Christian ones. In fact, I think the stigma is even worse within the faith community, further isolating hurting, lonely people. (That being said, I do think the faith community is making some excellent strides in this area, but there’s still a great way to go).

This priceless treasure we hold, so to speak, in common earthenware – to show that the splendid power of it belongs to God and not to us. We are hard-pressed on all sides, but we are never frustrated; we are puzzled, but never in despair. We are persecuted, but are never deserted: we may be knocked down but we are never knocked out!... This is the reason why we never lose heart. The outward man does indeed suffer wear and tear, but every day the inward man receives fresh strength. 2 Corinthians 4:7-9, 16 (Phillips)

Talking about my depression doesn’t come naturally to me. In fact, I’d rather not talk about it. My purpose in sharing this is that I hope it reaches one person who is struggling with their own internal war. I want you to know you’re not alone. I want you to know that you are much more than your diagnosis. Don’t give into the lie that there is something wrong with you, or that you are somehow less. For too long, I was cloaked in shame because I felt my depression meant I was a failure.

I recall one particular doctor’s appointment really well. Through hot tears I tried telling my doctor I didn’t need medication anymore. I told her I HAD to press on, I was a Christian, after all! Surely I was already equipped to push through this (Philippians 4:13, right?!). Imagine my relief when this smart, successful doctor told me she struggled with depression and that there was nothing to be ashamed about.

As you admit your depression, it starts you on a pathway to finding healing. Only after you acknowledge it, can you start to deal with your depression. Most importantly, you don’t have to go it alone.

So to you, friend, the one that might be struggling with these same feelings that I have of anxiety and depression, “tomorrow morning, remember that the love of God is not grounded in your feelings, nor in your performance, and not even in your love for Him. His love is grounded in His own faithfulness” (Seamands & Funk).

We cannot rely on our feelings. But we can rely on the One who never changes, and created these crazy things we call emotions and simply rest in His love & care for us.

And together, let us pray that we receive fresh strength for each new day.

Song choice:

Satisfy, Worship Mob